Love and that ever Imposing Gray Area

Upon reading Steven Pinker's article creatively entitled 'Crazy in Love' many thoughts came to mind. I do agree with much that Pinker has to say and all of his introduction rings true with me as well as his closing statements from economist Robert Frank and so on. The trouble that I have with this article lies in the middle. He seems to be saying that, as Chris Rock states, "A man is only as faithful as his options." In that he is saying that if there isn't an intrinsical proximity infatuation (thank you Jason Lee, Cameron Crowe, and everyone involved in the movie Vanilla Sky), that if we aren't smitten with joy and lust with the person, then we are bound to an unfaithful future. I argue, that rational reason for picking a partner is essential to its outstanding success. Perceiving the person's emotions and future actions helps us generate whether the partner that we are currently with is an appropriate candidate for future marriage. Even Pinker's statement to "Look for someone who is emotionally committed to you because you are you" generates problems. These statements are ignoring rational thoughts of general compatibility that can be perceived through rational thought. Someone may love the hell out of you, but if you disagree on almost every important subject, such as religion, children, drug use, financial status, even if you disagree on a location to settle down, this can cause a very difficult situation. In order for love to habitually exist amongst two partners there must be more than love. In order for a life long partnership to exist they must be compatible on many levels or at least understanding of their partners stance on nearly every subject, otherwise arguments or breaches in communication will result and an unhappy marriage or divorce will eventually become an inevitability. This is where we enter the gray area of finding an appropriate life partner. There are many levels on which partners have to be at least somewhat connected upon (why do you think e-harmony matches you on 26 seperate dimensions?) in order for a companionship to fundamentally exist. For example, different people crave different amounts of commitment vs. spontaneity. Different couples crave separate amounts of commitment in that they want their partner to be steady and possess an assurance that they will be there for you all the time or that you need some time apart to flourish as a couple. Some couples, or people individually, crave to always do the same thing and follow a set routine while others want surprises along every curve of the road that they experience as a couple. There are countless numbers of factors that contribute to being a successful couple. The only thing for sure is that it is based upon an individual basis and any one person surely cannot be given a general rule for finding a suitable partner for them as it is always upon an individual basis. So in order to find the soul mate right for you, you must consider who you are yourself and what you consider happiness and fulfillment before you engage in a thought process confirming that the person you are with is really right for you or not.

BB